Ray is gone

On page 57 in A Widow's Story I learned that Joyce's husband, Ray, has unexpectedly died in the night.

Even though he died in his hospital bed, it was unexpected because he was "doing better."

Now Joyce, the new widow, is struggling and grieving and trying to find her way in this new landscape of her life.

She is also reflecting on her marriage of more than 40 years, a lot.

"I am beginning to think maybe I never really knew him, really. Maybe I knew him only superficially - his deeper self hidden from me.

"In our marriage it was our practice not to share anything that was upsetting, depressing, demoralizing, tedious - unless it was unavoidable."

This second sentence is shocking to me. SHOCKING. People really live in their marriages this way? It's unimaginable.

I heavily and often rely on Kevin's strong shoulders. When something is wrong with me or upsetting me, I need to tell him.

I need him to know because that may be the reason I don't want to make supper that night or why I may not fold the laundry for days or why I'm doing or not doing any number of things.

I also need him to know because he can give me perspective. I'm really, really good at making something trivial into something paramount. And sometimes it just isn't.

I need him to know because he's a problem solver. Why should I suffer without an answer when he has one handy in his hip pocket?

I also need him to know because I physically feel better after I tell him. Even if I have the right perspective and there's no solution to offer, I don't have to carry the ugliness or discomfort alone.

I hope I'm able to even offer a fraction of that comfort back to him.